Fall Writing Frenzy Contest
The Red Spark
by Jakki Licare
My little sister holds the bright, red leaf up to her eye. “One more time. Please.”
“I shouldn’t have done it before,” I say, pulling her down the path.
Her lip quivers, making my resolve disintegrate. I really shouldn’t. If I’m found out they’d take me away, but it’s nice to share my magic with someone who isn’t afraid.
I check around and the path is clear. “Last time.”
Her wide smile is so warm, it wraps me up like a woolen scarf. I concentrate on the leaf’s flame-red color and it begins to sizzle. Its tips curl as the smoke mixes in with our steamy breath. Until pop, a spark flies into the air, then another and another. Crackling sounds silence the chattering squirrels and the glowing flecks hover like stars come down to earth.
I send the red sparks to dance around my sister and her giggles fill the crisp air. She chases the sparks as if they were fireflies. Flinging them into the sky, we ooh and awe as they explode like fireworks. All the red sparks fade away, except one. In the distance, the red glow of a cigarette smolders as someone watches us.
Thank you Kaitlyn Leann Sanchez and Lydia Lukidi for setting this up. It was a fun challenge!
Love these characters, Jakki! And the suspenseful foreshadowing at the end!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for the encouragement!
DeleteLove this! The idea of the stranger at the end adds lots of suspense and wondering about what happens next. Great story Jakki!
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you liked it! Thank you Kerry.
DeleteA delightful story! love how her smile wraps you up like a wool I scarf! Such cozy imagery!
ReplyDeleteThat was my favorite line too! Thank you for the kind words.
DeleteLove this. It definitely leaves me wanting to read more.
ReplyDeleteThank you!
DeleteVery engaging story! I want to know what happens next...
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for taking the time to comment and read!
DeleteYou've got me! Now I want to know what happens next!
ReplyDeleteColleen Dougherty
Thank you so much!
ReplyDeleteOooh, lots of mystery, contrasted with the beautiful fall weather and sisterly love.
ReplyDeleteThank you! I really appreciate you taking the time to read and comment.
DeleteYour word choices placed me perfectly into the scene, and... I must know what happens next. I'm curious about the older sister's powers and wonder what else she can make happen. And who is watching the girls and why??? Good luck in the Fall Writing Frenzy.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for taking the time to comment! I'll be honest I have no idea what will happen next, I was deinitely a pantser with this story:)
DeleteThere is such powerful magic in this story. You draw us in with the narrator's secret, forbidden abilities, creating delicious tension and beautifully foreshadowing the end. But we ignore all that as you slyly distract us with fiery magic and a persistent little sister. ("Her wide smile is so warm, it wraps me up like a woolen scarf"—such a lovely representation of a sister's love.) You ingeniously circle the story in the end, ratcheting up the suspense as you show how even a smoldering spark may pose an ominous threat.
ReplyDeleteWow. Thank you so much. Your kind words me so much to me!
DeleteOh, the suspense! So many emotions beautifully rendered in so few words. Wonderful!
ReplyDeleteThank you!
DeleteThe ending! Wow. Love the foreshadowing.
ReplyDeleteThank you!
DeleteOh, well done! I enjoyed the wonderful images and the anticipation of wondering what will go wrong. Thanks for sharing with us for the Fall Writing Frenzy! Sincerely,
ReplyDeleteKaitlyn Sanchez
Wow. That gives a whole new perspective to the picture. I can't look at it now and not see the girl pleading with her older sister. Great job.
ReplyDeleteFabulous story! Congrats!
ReplyDelete